For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
