Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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