i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
