What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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