I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
