Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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