she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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