did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
