Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
