Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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