Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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