Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
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Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
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You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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