oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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