I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
