You made me cry and you don't even care
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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