Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
