I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What happened to fro yo and sex?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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