He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
