she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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