in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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