When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
