God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
