it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
