I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
