how can u be prego again
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
