Can Purell be used as lube?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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