I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
