Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
