Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
