Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
