dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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