I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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