I'm eating all of the evidence.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There's always time for handjobs
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize