Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
