Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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