just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
