you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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