dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I didn't notice because vodka
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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