You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
