I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
