K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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