i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
