Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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