his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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