He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
