I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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