I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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