I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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