somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
