you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
