my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i think i just lost a toe
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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