Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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