He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
