Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So much rum. So many feels.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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