just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
God I need to hump something, right now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
