Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
