My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
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And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
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If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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