You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
